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Well, I’m on the ballot, in the number 1 slot. Those of you who wish to help me out with a financial contribution are asked to wire money to account 70052 0169684 with ScotiaBank, or mail checks, money orders or other gifts to me at 380 Margaret Ave., Kitchener, ON, N2H 1J8. Please write “campaign contribution” on the outside of the envelope so that I may open it in front of my CFO or a member of my auditing firm’s accounting team. Members of the press or the Kitchener-Waterloo electorate are welcome to contact my on my cell phone at 575-5040.

If Bart Simpson is the Pvt. Snafu of the nineties, then Homer Simpson must be Major S.N.A.F.U.